"Ask, and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:24
You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:11
There is no shortage of joy in the Bible, so why do we have so little?
Imagine the last time that you went shopping for a purse. You pick out the perfect one, hold it up in front of the mirror, check it out against your outfit (even coordinates with your shoes!), and so you rush to the counter and buy it. On the way out of the mall, you see someone else with the same purse. Judging by the woman's appearance, you quickly deduce that she is a decade or two older than you and not quite up-to-date on this season's colors. The purse looks hideous against her faded jeans.
If someone her age is carrying that bag, then it might make me look too old to carry it...
If her outfit clashes that bad, then my outfits might look just as bad...
So now you second guess the decision that made you so happy just a few moments back.
Ok...that's a pretty lame example, but maybe this real experience will enlighten you a little more.
I got pregnant about 2 weeks after I graduated college. Living the pregnant dream, I perfected my nursery, bought outfits, dreamed up adventures for my daughter. I found joy in becoming a mom. I watched as several acquaintances became moms in the months surrounding the time I delivered my first child. I watched them post pictures of their nursery. Mine didn't have painted letters on the wall complete with chevron decor and a custom made mobile dangling over a stunning crib. My nursery was lucky to have paint on the walls. I was a fresh teacher planning on a maternity leave with no accumulated leave time. My husband was a full time online college student. And yet, while I had been perfectly happy with what we had accomplished within our meager budget, it suddenly paled in comparison to what the other moms were posting. Joy stolen
Fastforward. My child starts eating solid food, and I am in awe of her little banana covered mouth. She enjoys laughing at meal times as her silly daddy feeds her. My heart overflows with joy...until I get online. My child, who I have started feeding at four months (gasp!) is eating baby food from a jar filled with preservatives and the possible presence of a number of carcinogens that could alter her life for forever, while super mom has prepared her child diced organic avocado and a combination of freshly pureed spinach and pear. The baby sits in his high chair looking like a healthfood guru while mine dribbles Gerber out of the corner of her mouth. Joy stolen.
Fastforward. My four year old learns all the letters of the alphabet including all the basic phonetic sounds that accompany them. She can decode some words and has an advanced vocabulary. We work for about 15 minutes a day on learning to read, and I have seen tons of growth. I am so proud. Until I get on facebook and see supermom has her 4 year old sitting at a table with a workbook. Kid can hold a pencil right and is practicing his letters. The pencil has no bite marks, and he's written the right letter on the page. I think about the workbooks my daughter has been "playing" with. The pages are full of stray lines. Sometimes she refuses to use a pencil and insists on using a marker. On some pages, she has circled every possible choice in multiple choice situations...I confront her about circling everything and she has a justification for how everything could be a possibility. I remember sitting down one day in front of the computer and hanging my head. I am a failure. Joy stolen.
But then it dawns on me: My life is full of joy until I decide to compare it to someone else. I am allowing the comparison of someone else's situation to dictate how I view my own situation.
God knew a long time ago that this age of joy-robbing comparisons was coming. In fact, He prepared for it when He gave Moses the 10 Commandments....Thou shalt not covet.
When the 10 commandments were taught to me, I always thought of coveting in terms of possessions, but now as a mom, I realize that coveting situations is 100 times worse. Now don't get me wrong about this being a new age of joy-robbing comparisons. I am sure that there have been millions of people for millions of years who have looked at someone else's life and decided that their lives weren't quite good enough anymore compared to the glamour they saw elsewhere. I mean, think about Eve. Her life wasn't good enough after she compared it to how it could be by having the complete knowledge offered to her by the forbidden fruit...see where it got her?
Never before has anyone lived in an age where you cannot only compare your life to your neighbors' lives, but now you can compare your life to every person that will accept your friend request, notwithstanding all the pictures you encounter in a few short moments on Pinterest.
The truth for me is this: If I spend my time looking at what others are doing, my life seems to be mediocre. I have robbed myself of so many parenting joys by looking into the joys of others.
Consider this verse:
2 Timothy 2:4
No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer.
As a believer and Christ follower, our life has to have a goal of pleasing our commanding officer, Jesus Christ. The commanding officer knows your strengths and weaknesses and takes pleasure in watching you fight life's battles using the tools with which he has equipped you. When I start to compare myself to the strengths of others, I begin to meddle in civilian affairs (not that these aren't Christian people, but my mindset becomes a civilian mindset!) It robs me of the joy that I can have in Christ when I set my standards of comparison to what God has for someone else instead of what he has for me.
I want to leave you with two challenges. Two that you may not agree with...but God inspired nonetheless.
Challenge #1: Avoid Comparative Situations
When you know that you are going to get online and see something that makes your joy in your own circumstances a little bit less, avoid it. If you know a person posts pictures of her perfect paleo meal 3 times a day including mid-day smoothies, feel free to use the "Hide" feature. If Pinterest leaves you feeling like a failure because you put your cloth diapers in the dryer and use store bought detergent instead of a homemade organic concoction, avoid it. If seeing an instagram photo of your BFF out on a date with her perfectly romantic husband leaves you wishing your husband could be more like that, save your energy and do something else. Don't allow the Devil to gain a foothold in your life by viewing things that make your life seem much worse than it is. Instead, spend just a moment reflecting in the beauty of the life God has given you. Then, go do something that makes you feel proud to be one of His children. Love on your kids, call a friend that needs encouragement, write a letter, say a prayer...the list is endless.
Challenge #2: Don't rob the joy of others for your own pride.
Have you heard that studies show that receiving a like on a Facebook post is equivalent to a dopamine surge that you can get from a drug? The internet seems to be the king of addiction. We are addicted to likes on our pictures, views on our blogs, and comments on our statuses. But when somebody pushes the little blue thumb, who is truly getting the accolades? God?...YOU! Me!
I dare say that over 90% of our (our, as in self included) posts are made to see what others think about us! We want people to like us and like what we do. (Keep in mind, I'm not trying to bash pictures that you post of your kids so family can see, or prayer requests or even life updates...just when we post to show off...and we do all the time.)Therefore, it is quite possible that someone, somewhere, is sitting in front of a computer hanging their head and feeling like a failure because I decided to post something about my wonderful life so everyone else could compare their life to it. I know you and I don't post things online with the intention that someone else should look at it and feel bad, but it happens. Don't believe me? Come look at the list of hidden friends on my facebook and see all the great God-centered people that reside there that I have to hide to keep myself from losing my joy! The next time you decide to post something, consider who is getting the praise from the positive vibes received. Am I pleasing the commanding officer, or am I meddling in civilian affairs?
I love what David sings in the Psalms:
You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7
Tonight, I pray that God will be my hiding place where I can hide to avoid comparing my joy to the joy of others, and that He will deliver me from the pride that I seek when posting things online.
Be a blessing!
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